There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
