why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
