Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
