I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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