I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
