he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
