I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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