So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
