She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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