I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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