Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
