It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
