Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
