I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
