What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
