Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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