I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
