did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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