dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
