so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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