Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
