Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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