just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
