i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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