did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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