also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
