Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
