My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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