Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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