i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
