I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i think i just lost a toe
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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