I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
