If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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