those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
