she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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