Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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