Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
