i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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