There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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