I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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