spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
