So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
