We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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