it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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