I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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