Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
