Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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