I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
