I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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