Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
