I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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