Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
