i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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