I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
