I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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