There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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