i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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