Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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